24 Aug English Essay Revise
Revise suggestion：
Before talking about the stories, you should add a hook that smoothly introduces the readers to your ideas. Also, try to keep it general when doing a summary of. The movie since it will look like a summary response essay if you give too much detail. Also, I did not see you mentioned a short story to compare with the movie, maybe you are planning to develop that idea later in the essay, but make sure to mention it in the introduction paragraph, so the reader will be prepared for a compare-contrast essay, and you will not take him by surprise with another story. I think you have a good idea for thesis; however, I will suggest you reword it and narrow it down to a specific point. Your analysis of Charlies’ coming of age and how you mention the effect these events had in his life is great. Just try to keep the summary more general and do not go into detail, focus more on analysis and comparison/contrast with the other story. For your outline, try to go more into detail so you will be able to develop you essay easily. Remember to add the comparison and contrast elements of the other story. However, you have a good outline structure from which you can expand.
Marin Nunez,Sofia Isabel, May 2 at 5:22pm
You are supposed to compare the film to a story. It is a comparison/contrast paper. The outline should show the development of each paragraph and include specific examples.
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