06 Dec Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
Paper Title: Immigration is necessary for the development of the US economy.
No. of Pages: 2
Paper Style: MLA Paper Type: Persuasive/Argumentative
Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? Yes
Feedback Areas: Focus/Thesis Statement, Topic Development
Paper Goals: Select your own topic. Remember that your thesis statement must
be debatable, and you must take a stand for or against an action or
an idea. Use Thesis Statement Template to help you write and revise
your thesis statement. In your thesis statement, use one of the
emphatic words: could(not), ought
Review Summary:
Hello Chukwuemeka
My name is Greg, and I reviewed your assignment. Thank you for submitting your paper. I enjoyed
reading your persuasive essay about your views of legal immigration.
Strengths:
You are off to a great start with this paper because you have the makings of a clear thesis. You write in
clear sentences and your paragraphs are well balanced. Nice job on the effort you have put into this
writing piece so far. Your hard work is paying off!
Suggestions:
A persuasive/argumentative paper should convince your reader to believe or agree with a specific idea.
Formulate your argument in a thesis statement that lists the points you are going to cover. This should
lead your reader through your paper to the conclusion that your argument is correct.
The thesis of a persuasive paper should include an argument that:
* Takes a stand or chooses a side
* Makes a claim of fact or definition that is debatable
* Uses verbs such as “should” or “must”
* Some people must object to the idea presented
* More than one possible solution should exist
Consider this template for your thesis: Immigration should/must ____, because of ___, ___ and ___. Each
point then forms a paragraph of the paper. (You can also add more points to your thesis, but be sure to
list them from least to most important.)
Also, be careful not to denigrate the opposing view. Your paper should acknowledge the validity of their
argument while arguing that yours is still be better choice. Be careful that you don’t alienate the very
audience that you are trying to persuade to agree with you!
Finally, rather than begin each body paragraph with similar wording, I suggest you develop transitions.
A transition helps move your audience’s attention from what you just discussed to what you will be
discussing. It is especially helpful when moving from one thesis point to the next. You can use
transitional words, such as “also,” “additionally,” “furthermore,” and “finally,” or transitional phrases
such as “another reason why.”
The first instances of repeated issues are pointed out, and suggestions for corrections to be made are
given where possible. Keep in mind that I have marked issues only once, so you can use my suggestions
to help you spot recurring issues throughout the remainder of your paper. Please use your writing
resources as well as the given suggestions for corrections to help make revisions and improve your
writing. You can also return to the Paper Center for additional reviews of your work. Keep up the good
work, and thanks for using NetTutor!
Stay focused!
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Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
Add a preposition: To.
Prepositions indicate direction.
Your thesis must include a
debatable argument. A good
argumentative thesis uses
emphatic wording such as
should or must. This thesis
seems more informational
than persuasive.
Try not to call those who
hold an opposing view liars.
Keep in mind the purpose is
to persuade those who hold
opposing views to agree
with you, rather than
alienate them.
page 2 / 6
Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
You must cite your source for
this research.
You can use transitional
wording to indicate you have
moved into a new discussion
area of your paper. Also,
consider using immigration
(the system) rather than
immigrants (the people).
The term Native American refers
to those groups indigenous to
the North American continent.
You can simply use native-born
Americans.
page 3 / 6
Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
All statistics must be cited.
page 4 / 6
Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
Finally, keep in mind your
conclusion should not present
any new information. This idea
can be presented in the paper.
page 5 / 6
Reviewed Paper: ntp1345643 – Wed Nov 10 20:43:16 EST 2021
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